I remember scary. I remember it everyday. When the sun comes up and I have to do it all over again, that’s scary. Until I realize the air I breath is still there and still as sweet as God’s own breath, and I hear the beautiful songs that the birds are singing to the sun. They may go hungry today or face a fierce storm or lose a hatchling but for this moment they sing to the sun because that is their gift to God’s gift. Returning their joy to be soaked up by all who will stop and listen, in that moment, And in that moment which is all that exist, joy trumps scary because joy is everything God gives us and scary is just an impulse in our brain.
Then comes the next moment and here comes scary again. Maybe bigger and harder this time. We all face it. But do you choose the joy in the moment that God gives and will always give back whenever you stop and breathe it in or do you let scary take that moment away? Honor the battle but Honor more the joy that is yours to live.
-P.Ciavardone
Copyright 2013. Face the Mountain. All rights reserved.
This is Honor.
All I really know about my early life is that I was born drunk. I am a full -blooded White Mountain Apache Indian. I was taken away from my birth family and put up for adoption. I spent two years in various “homes”. I was finally adopted by a loving family that had no idea of the abuse I had suffered. At two, they wondered why I wasn’t speaking and why I would cry and scream into the night. I was deemed autistic, but my dear mother wouldn’t have it. She was a pianist and actress with great vocal skills, She sang to me, and I sang with her until I could speak.
I did okay for a while until my parents became busy. Many business trips occurred where I was left alone with a caretaker. I was 5 at the time and I got raped and physically abused for 3 years. To this day, my family doesn’t know of this. I have scares on my back from being whipped with an extension cord. I have consistent flashbacks of being raped with Lincoln logs.
So here I am, having graduated from two prestigious schools. I am a character actress, done many voice-overs. still, I can’t seem to stay sober..
Honor, I am proud of you and the decision you made. Step back and see how strong you are. You fought through all your biggest fears to seek the help and I know how scary and hard it was for you to accept help. I pray you make the most of it, even if Scary keeps sneaking back into your life. You have been amazing so far.